Today I want to share something a little more quintessentially personal, first because it’s in my consciousness right now, and also because I’ve been in need of something lighter myself. I want to share what I know and believe about holding onto paradox, by letting you into my wedding day last year. I’ve been increasingly focused on maximizing what value I can create without any transaction; if you’ve been reading the emails, or listening to the podcast, Calm, Confident & Deliriously Happy, or the natural anti-anxiety 4 Foundations Practice visualization tool, you’ve probably noticed what I’m talking about.
Right to the point, June 6, 2020 we had a 6-guest wedding ceremony at St. Monica’s on Mercer Island about a mile from our present home, and I never shared photos, or our experience at all. We were so busy soaking up the moments together, it’s true, but that day provided a lot of challenge = not only in the months leading up, and in the days leading up, but all during and after too. It was one day after curfews were lifted in Seattle. Washington was still in a declared emergency as I recall; tear gas continued to be used on non-violent protests for weeks following. Our wedding was literally the day after the state entered Phase II business re-openings.
On one hand, this day would have been complete if David and I were the last people on earth.
But in other lights, my personal experience of my wedding fell short of the vision that we had put into place – by so much. We had already sacrificed the reception being on the property where my late father is buried. And the 220 guest list had been reduced to 6.
More than this, our society was (and in so many ways, still is, in my eyes) in turmoil all around us, polarized and divided.
In complete honestly, ironically because of my disposition and my strengths, as we headed into the most important day of my and David’s life, my heart, and mind were focused on the wellbeing, safety, and state of our population and of the collective – not on my future husband, not on the family that was supporting me from near and far, and not on myself. While I’m not proud to share it, this is martyr psyche peeking its head through.
Allowing myself, or rather, forcing myself to experience the joy of our wedding day – while the most natural inclination I had was to put personal concerns aside and continue to pour into the collective wounds which had been opened up —- note: whether or not I could truly be productive with my energies that week and make an impact —- was by far the more difficult and unnatural choice. But it was the best one. And that’s what I did.
I think that in holding paradox as individuals— is contained the seed of healing for the whole world.
You have probably encountered an opportunity for practice yourself:
Birth in the midst of loss… Celebrations, with empty seats at the table…
To nurture and tend to hurts within ourselves, while not rebuking the immense love which wants to be felt and expressed: this balance is holy and deeply personal work. Comparisons are not only unnecessary, but useless, and also harmful. We harm ourselves and others when either experience (joy or pain) is reproached. What’s important is to feel both, as deeply as we can tolerate. It’s my belief that holding paradox is the greatest opportunity for peace-making of our time.
In the end, David and I were, and are, content!
But this time last year was challenging for me personally, and now looking back, you can bet I remember every special gesture, every text, every phone call, and every note! Every kind word from a stranger. Every generous assist. Every smile.
I want to invite you outright to hold the paradox for your own experience today,
no matter how small it may seem.
To sustain a vibration of love in the midst of pain or fear: it’s significant.
When we do this, even ‘poorly’, I think it impacts the shared experience directly, though perhaps intangibly at first.
My personal homework is to answer the calling not to compare pain, or difficulty, as there is no need. There is room for everyone’s experience.
In the mean time, if you want something, soothing, supportive, and transformative, make sure you download the meditation for anxiety, 4 Foundation Practices visualization tool. It’s free now and always. I have seen the differences that it makes for people who apply it. The commitment is 15 minutes daily, and it is honestly so enjoyable you’ll look forward to the time you set aside for it.
Take care, until our paths cross next!
With love,
Mandy
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Mandy Barbee Lanier, MA Economics & CCHT is a Performance Coach and three-time Founder with 20 years experience leading teams (large and small) in the military, corporate, and clinical worlds. She helps successful people, especially those leading their own teams, thoughts, and industries, to completely transform / convert anxiety, self perception issues, fear and disconnection into their unique advantage, and fully access their personal power in weeks not years, using her system & framework, Power Play™, combined with their innate capacity for imagery. Her company Palladium Mind Inc empowers and equips others to identify and permanently resolve the root cause of core inner blocks, and strategically edit and align behaviors, thoughts, and reactions with their highest values, in order to ENJOY success. Her work has been featured in prominent media outlets such as Newsweek, Forbes, Thrive Global, and more, and she hosts the podcast Calm, Confident & Deliriously Happy.